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DDragon: did you hear about the hackers?
DDragon: they hijacked an epilepsy support website and posted flashing images and text
Vek: haha
DDragon: I'd be offended by that, but I'm too busy laughing my ass off.

Why?

DDragon: *sighs* my dad is a moron..
DDragon: he never gets his question pronouns right.
DDragon: "Are my black pants in there?"
DDragon: "Who?"
oymon: XD
DDragon: "Uhm.. that would be a what.."
oymon: lol

Equestrian

uriko: got any horses?
DDragon: nay.
uriko: poo
DDragon: poo to the fact, or poo to the joke?
uriko: both

Backfire

DDragon: furthermore.. regarding DK's neutral B
DDragon: nintendo may call it the Giant Punch
DDragon: but we all know what it's REALLY called
DDragon: the Donkey Punch
cenek: I call it the Charge Punch
DDragon: Donkey punch is a slang term for an apocryphal and potentially lethal sexual practice supposedly performed during anal sex. The purported practice involves the penetrating partner punching the receiving partner in the back of the head or neck causing the receiving parters anal passage to tense up and increase the pleasure of the penetrating partner
cenek: I know what it is. XP
DDragon: Donkey Punch!
cenek: It's been done to me.
DDragon: o.O

Speed limit signs would suck too

DDragon: Thank goodness for Arabic numerals. As if Prince would write a song, Party like it's MCMXCXI
Lykos: Hahaha!

Assault and Batteries

DDragon: I want to find whoever invented this game and murder him in his sleep http://www.plastelina.net/game14.html
DDragon: actually, no.. that's not what I want to do.
DDragon: I want him to be awake.
oymon: :P

Only 3,240 easy payments!

Akume: and his girlfriend is still a phyco bitch
Akume: god i want to hit her
DDragon: phyco?
DDragon: new from PhyCo! The Girlfriend 3000!
DDragon: going into debt? Let us help!
DDragon: The Girlfriend 3000 can send you into debt 276% faster!
Akume: xD
Akume: no trust me
DDragon: Tired of having opinions of your own?
Akume: ...lol
DDragon: Get the Girlfriend 3000!

Sucker

DDragon: Japanese girls and tentacles go together like peanut butter and... tentacles
Coroo: hehe i know that all to well that's why i love me some tentacles

splish-splash

DDragon: I take showers alone.
DDragon: the only man allowed in my shower with me is Mr Bubble.
canisaureusnauta: XD LOL

Regarding walruses

furrytransformee: 4000 pounds of blubber is heavy
DDragon: 4000 pounds of anything is heavy
furrytransformee: not air.
DDragon: I have no idea where to begin saying what's wrong with that statement..
furrytransformee: I know XD

End game

DDragon: Metroid 2 was a fun game..
oymon: oh yes
DDragon: how often do you get to take place in a mass genocide in the name of science?
oymon: :P
oymon: not often enough

Real annoying

DDragon: the guinness world record holder for the highest guitar hero score hasn't even 100%ed the dragonforce song
leo-studying: yay dragonforce
DDragon: you should see how horrible the youtube comments are.
DDragon: "yeah, he scored 800k points.. ON A GAME! Learn to play REAL guitar you fag."
leo-studying: anyone knows that guitar hero != real guitar
DDragon: yes.
DDragon: "Pff.. you just got a 60 hit combo in God of War? Yeah, I'd like to see you do that with REAL chain swords."
leo-studying: XD

Zing!

DDragon's Mom: One of my kids came to school today with a note from his dad that said "We could not find the following word in the dictionary: Zing." I looked in one of our dictionaries and there were two definitions, the sound and the feeling. He also added "If you have anything to say in addressing this matter, please talk to me. Do not talk to him." The man is such an asshole. He has a daughter in the 4th grade that hasn't done any work since the 3rd.. so of course we have a hearing for it, and he was there, real smug and everything, and he went "Well, I send her to school so she can learn here. I don't have time to spend every night doing your job. Do you have kids, Mrs. Gonzalez?" And she said "No, I do not. My husband and I decided it would be best if we waited until we actually had time to raise our children before we had any."
DDragon: Zing!

evil like a fox

DDragon: I want to put a No U-Turn sign on a Cul-de-Sac
Kensan: You are evil.

ASCii

DDragon: [.+O: oo] it's a Wiimoticon
Mitori: lol

abuse

DDragon: hey there, easy target
canisaureusnauta: Hi! ^_^
canisaureusnauta: XD
canisaureusnauta: Whatcha up to?
DDragon: updating my blog. Now.
canisaureusnauta: How fun! =3
canisaureusnauta: Whatcha writing about? ^_^
DDragon: http://missionlevity.blogspot.com/2008/03/abuse.html
canisaureusnauta: XD LOL

EL-E-VATE!

DDragon: The Daleks are coming!
DDragon: Get up the stairs!
Kensan: LOL
Kensan: That doesn't work!

Easy target

DDragon: hi
canisaureusnauta: Hi again XD
DDragon: seriously, what is so freaking funny?
canisaureusnauta: Nuffin ^^;;

Flower

At my friend's house
Sheryl (from the bathroom): Matt, can you get me something?
Matt: Sure...
DDragon: Toilet paper?
Matt: No. Worse.
He goes into the hallway and closes the door connecting my room.
Matt: How do you get this thing open.. Dragon, can you help me in here?
DDragon: Nooo way.
Matt: Haha
DDragon: Yeah, how would you have reacted if I jumped at the chance?
Matt: I'd be worried.
Sheryl (From the bathroom): I would be too!

...like other mythical creatures

(literally out of nowhere)
DDragon: Was Snow White an albino?
DDragon's Mom: Hahaha, I don't know.

Both of them?

DDragon's Mom's Friend: They're saying coffee is a natural anti-oxidant now.
DDragon: Who's saying that, Starbucks?
DDragon's Mom and her Friend: Hahaha.
DDragon's Mom's Friend: He sounds like my kids.

Emulation

BLOG POST REMOVED FOR LEGAL REASONS.

can't... reach...

DDragon: dammit..
DDragon: I don't want to get up to turn off my light..
cenek.asdis: XD
cenek.asdis: Throw rocks at it
cenek.asdis: Or clap.
DDragon: I'll just hope for a power outage
cenek.asdis: XD

It's a trap!

A friend has a hand stuck in a bag of kettle chips.
DDragon: Sometimes it's best to let the ones at the bottom go.
Joseph: Never!
DDragon: Oh, come on! That's a Clerks reference!

My mom doesn't laugh.

DDragon: You know, the last time we got Applebee's To Go was on my birthday, and we had to hurry home because I was waiting for a call from that girl. And now we got it again today and today it's her birthday
DDragon's Mom: Really? That's too funny.

Polar bears

Watching Borat, after Borat buys a bear for protection

DDragon: See, that was staged. A bear wouldn't scare away ALL of the kids like that.
Videojack: Right, I bet some of them would be "cool, a bear"
DDragon: Well, moreso they'd be, "uhh... I still want ice cream, though."

Don't laugh. He's beating me.

DDragon: what did you do today?
canisaureusnauta: Not a whole lot; practised the mandolin, went to class, watched anime. ^^ Yourself?
DDragon: mandolin and anime?
DDragon: Virginity insurance, I guess.
canisaureusnauta: If I still had that, it certainly would be, let me tell you. ^,^

+3 Grief

nanakekionchi: ..
nanakekionchi: gary gygax died
DDragon: Saving throw failed.

idios

DDragon: people are fucking idios.
DDragon: which is even WORSE than an idiot
brokenfox: lol
brokenfox: Idios needs love too
DDragon: "What's taking so long?"
DDragon: "I'm playing a game that doesn't let you pause during boss battles."
DDragon: *insert 20 lines of* "what game?" "hello?" "what game r u playing?" "you there?" "where'd you go?"
brokenfox: Haha, I think your friend only read what he wanted, or it just went over his head

Shocking

lifeline: whoop bioshock brand new for 20 bucks
DDragon: wherre?
DDragon: what system?
lifeline: 360
DDragon: oh.
DDragon: don't excite me like that.
lifeline: hehe

Se7en

On a quest to find 7 deadly sins in chat.

Delphin: night all
DDragon: sloth
spiralroze: ::huggles delphin::
DDragon: lust
* Delphin hugs back
Delphin: nini
spiralroze: ::licks delphin::
spiralroze: mm fishy
DDragon: gluttony
Pridor: o_o
DDragon: Pride
Katze: Yay for being gone so long I lost my registration.
Katze: Oh well, I can't randomly kick myself.
DDragon: Wrath
lifeline: heya katze haven't seen you in awhile
lifeline: hows everything?
Katze: Not bad.
lifeline: as for me i'm stuck in a buttfuck military base in colorado
DDragon: envy
lifeline: ....
lifeline: and shut it with the seven sins thing
DDragon: kay..
lifeline: i dont get weirded out often but that is gettin to me
DDragon: I guess I got greedy.
lifeline: oy vey
DDragon: :)