Clogging the Tubes

DDragon: I took a visit to my ISP today.
DDragon: They have entire wall of switches, not unlike lightswitches. Each one represents one of their customers.
DDragon: Apparently when the employees are bored, they toggle them randomly between "Working" and "broken"
Lutrian: I bet that makes you wish you could toggle the employee's organs between working and broken.
DDragon: no, just one organ
DDragon: probably the bladder or the colon
Vek: true. You'd want them to survive to be inconvenienced
DDragon: then as soon as they go to the doctor to have it looked at, I'll flip the switch back
DDragon: after they make an appointment and sit in the waiting room for 40 minutes.

The shadow knows

DDragon: I was looking out my apartment window last night with binoculars
DDragon: and I saw these two people dancing on the rooftop down the street.
DDragon: I could only see their silhouettes, but for some reason..
DDragon: it made me think about how much interest I'm paying on my loans.
Daeken: ...
Daeken: do less drugs.
DDragon: I would.
DDragon: but then I looked out the other window and saw these dancing cowboys
DDragon: and that made me think of how I could save money on my drugs...
DDragon: up to 40%, it seems.

Duly Noted

kitsunewarlock: deathnote tcg
DDragon: *writes his opponents name on a card*
DDragon: I win
kitsunewarlock: XD

El Neo

DDragon: I just watched El Matrix on Telemundo
DDragon: "Yo soy el Juan."
Spaz_Nuts: lol

Stiff. Drink.

DDragon: I can't keep this inside any longer.
DDragon: I have a confession to make :(
DDragon: about a decade ago, right about the time it came out on the market, I took a phone survey about my email habits. I distinctly remember saying, "Well, I just wish someone would tell me all the places I could find Viagra online."
DDragon: I guess it just kinda snowballed from there. I'm so sorry.
Mottebayo: You're a bastard, so it's YOUR fault. >:(
Summercat: Don't come to the next PS party.
Summercat: I will eat your liver.
DDragon: I'll bring the chianti

Elemental case

DDragon: you know.. I've met a few noble gasses. They weren't all that nice.
DDragon: Argon in particular was a douche
DDragon: krypton was so conceited.. "My name was featured in a comic book!"
tcoyote: Well, yeah, but they're not as volatile as the alkalies.
tcoyote: One little drink and they get violent
DDragon: helium was fun to be around.
DDragon: but he talked all high pitched, made him hard to understand.
DDragon: Neon was really bright.
DDragon: but then radon showed up and we had to get the hell out of there.
tcoyote: Just hang around carbon. He gets along with anybody
DDragon: I don't like blacks.

Unbearable

RedneckCoyote: BIG BEAR LAKE, Calif. - A grizzly bear that appeared in a recent Will Ferrell movie killed a 39-year-old trainer with a bite to his neck Tuesday and had to be subdued with pepper spray.
DDragon: of course the bear's going to get away with murder because he's a movie star.

sucky sucky?

DDragon: I saw this asian lady breastfeeding today.
DDragon: I was so tempted to make a Soy Milk joke.
leotiger: ... thats... horrible

A special announcement regarding the future of Mission: Levity

As of this date, I am ending the daily updates of Mission: Levity. This is primarily due to the fact that I have noticed a considerable drop in quality of the jokes posted to this site. From now on, I will only post when I have a good joke. I will not force myself to find a crappy pun or steal jokes from other sources in order to make my daily quota when I'd rather be sleeping.
If I get a good joke, I'll post it. This can even mean more than one update a day, but it can also mean several days without updates. Stay tuned for more.

-D.Dragon

Get the point?

While working on the QA floor...

Coworker: I have told them 5 times what the problem with this bug is and they keep sending it back to me saying they need info
Another coworker: The devs are stupid. you have to talk to them like they're a fetus.
DDragon: "Fix this bug or I'll stab you with a coathanger!"

At least she'll wear white

DDragon: So you're actually getting married on Second Life?
Sheryl: Yep!
DDragon: With an actual wedding ceremony and all that?
Sheryl: Yep!
DDragon: "I now pronounce you, Sad and Pathetic."

Damn dirty apes

DDragon: You guys hear about Charlton Heston?
Fragnum: Nope
Krazy: Wait.
Krazy: Yes.
Krazy: Or, rather, I remember hearing about him.
DDragon: Quick! Someone get his gun!
Fragnum: Lol, good one

Crabs

DDragon: head crabs are great.
DDragon: why choose between aliens AND zombies?
DDragon: when you can have both?
oymon: hee hee hee...and odly enough...I just finished going through Ravenholm myself. lol

torrential

After a long conversation involving epsxe, winrar, 7zip and project64k

DDragon: do you have bittorrent?
furrytransformee: Stop making up names!
DDragon: lol

Great Minds

DDragon: Freud hypothesized that on a subconscious level, every man wants to sleep with his mother.
DDragon: exactly how hot WAS Freud's mother?
kitsunewarlock: who wouldn't want to sleep with freud's mother?
kitsunewarlock: giggity
kitsunewarlock: XD
kitsunewarlock: glad to see we both thought of the same joke

Disappointing

April Fools is supposed to be the biggest day in a prankster's life. Sadly all I managed to get was this...

oymon: i probabley know the answer to this...but have you done any more work on your game?
DDragon: yes. Actually I finished it. and I'm working on the sequel now.
oymon: oh, har, har, har...it's not April 1st where i am any more...
oymon: besides, you're supposed to fool before midday...otherwise your the fool. HA!
DDragon: and you're supposed to spell you're correctly. otherwise you're the fool.
oymon: shut up...it's late...

blink

DDragon: did you hear about the hackers?
DDragon: they hijacked an epilepsy support website and posted flashing images and text
Vek: haha
DDragon: I'd be offended by that, but I'm too busy laughing my ass off.

Why?

DDragon: *sighs* my dad is a moron..
DDragon: he never gets his question pronouns right.
DDragon: "Are my black pants in there?"
DDragon: "Who?"
oymon: XD
DDragon: "Uhm.. that would be a what.."
oymon: lol

Equestrian

uriko: got any horses?
DDragon: nay.
uriko: poo
DDragon: poo to the fact, or poo to the joke?
uriko: both

Backfire

DDragon: furthermore.. regarding DK's neutral B
DDragon: nintendo may call it the Giant Punch
DDragon: but we all know what it's REALLY called
DDragon: the Donkey Punch
cenek: I call it the Charge Punch
DDragon: Donkey punch is a slang term for an apocryphal and potentially lethal sexual practice supposedly performed during anal sex. The purported practice involves the penetrating partner punching the receiving partner in the back of the head or neck causing the receiving parters anal passage to tense up and increase the pleasure of the penetrating partner
cenek: I know what it is. XP
DDragon: Donkey Punch!
cenek: It's been done to me.
DDragon: o.O