Stiff. Drink.

DDragon: I can't keep this inside any longer.
DDragon: I have a confession to make :(
DDragon: about a decade ago, right about the time it came out on the market, I took a phone survey about my email habits. I distinctly remember saying, "Well, I just wish someone would tell me all the places I could find Viagra online."
DDragon: I guess it just kinda snowballed from there. I'm so sorry.
Mottebayo: You're a bastard, so it's YOUR fault. >:(
Summercat: Don't come to the next PS party.
Summercat: I will eat your liver.
DDragon: I'll bring the chianti

Elemental case

DDragon: you know.. I've met a few noble gasses. They weren't all that nice.
DDragon: Argon in particular was a douche
DDragon: krypton was so conceited.. "My name was featured in a comic book!"
tcoyote: Well, yeah, but they're not as volatile as the alkalies.
tcoyote: One little drink and they get violent
DDragon: helium was fun to be around.
DDragon: but he talked all high pitched, made him hard to understand.
DDragon: Neon was really bright.
DDragon: but then radon showed up and we had to get the hell out of there.
tcoyote: Just hang around carbon. He gets along with anybody
DDragon: I don't like blacks.

Unbearable

RedneckCoyote: BIG BEAR LAKE, Calif. - A grizzly bear that appeared in a recent Will Ferrell movie killed a 39-year-old trainer with a bite to his neck Tuesday and had to be subdued with pepper spray.
DDragon: of course the bear's going to get away with murder because he's a movie star.

sucky sucky?

DDragon: I saw this asian lady breastfeeding today.
DDragon: I was so tempted to make a Soy Milk joke.
leotiger: ... thats... horrible

A special announcement regarding the future of Mission: Levity

As of this date, I am ending the daily updates of Mission: Levity. This is primarily due to the fact that I have noticed a considerable drop in quality of the jokes posted to this site. From now on, I will only post when I have a good joke. I will not force myself to find a crappy pun or steal jokes from other sources in order to make my daily quota when I'd rather be sleeping.
If I get a good joke, I'll post it. This can even mean more than one update a day, but it can also mean several days without updates. Stay tuned for more.

-D.Dragon

Get the point?

While working on the QA floor...

Coworker: I have told them 5 times what the problem with this bug is and they keep sending it back to me saying they need info
Another coworker: The devs are stupid. you have to talk to them like they're a fetus.
DDragon: "Fix this bug or I'll stab you with a coathanger!"

At least she'll wear white

DDragon: So you're actually getting married on Second Life?
Sheryl: Yep!
DDragon: With an actual wedding ceremony and all that?
Sheryl: Yep!
DDragon: "I now pronounce you, Sad and Pathetic."

Damn dirty apes

DDragon: You guys hear about Charlton Heston?
Fragnum: Nope
Krazy: Wait.
Krazy: Yes.
Krazy: Or, rather, I remember hearing about him.
DDragon: Quick! Someone get his gun!
Fragnum: Lol, good one

Crabs

DDragon: head crabs are great.
DDragon: why choose between aliens AND zombies?
DDragon: when you can have both?
oymon: hee hee hee...and odly enough...I just finished going through Ravenholm myself. lol

torrential

After a long conversation involving epsxe, winrar, 7zip and project64k

DDragon: do you have bittorrent?
furrytransformee: Stop making up names!
DDragon: lol

Great Minds

DDragon: Freud hypothesized that on a subconscious level, every man wants to sleep with his mother.
DDragon: exactly how hot WAS Freud's mother?
kitsunewarlock: who wouldn't want to sleep with freud's mother?
kitsunewarlock: giggity
kitsunewarlock: XD
kitsunewarlock: glad to see we both thought of the same joke

Disappointing

April Fools is supposed to be the biggest day in a prankster's life. Sadly all I managed to get was this...

oymon: i probabley know the answer to this...but have you done any more work on your game?
DDragon: yes. Actually I finished it. and I'm working on the sequel now.
oymon: oh, har, har, har...it's not April 1st where i am any more...
oymon: besides, you're supposed to fool before midday...otherwise your the fool. HA!
DDragon: and you're supposed to spell you're correctly. otherwise you're the fool.
oymon: shut up...it's late...