Clogging the Tubes

DDragon: I took a visit to my ISP today.
DDragon: They have entire wall of switches, not unlike lightswitches. Each one represents one of their customers.
DDragon: Apparently when the employees are bored, they toggle them randomly between "Working" and "broken"
Lutrian: I bet that makes you wish you could toggle the employee's organs between working and broken.
DDragon: no, just one organ
DDragon: probably the bladder or the colon
Vek: true. You'd want them to survive to be inconvenienced
DDragon: then as soon as they go to the doctor to have it looked at, I'll flip the switch back
DDragon: after they make an appointment and sit in the waiting room for 40 minutes.

The shadow knows

DDragon: I was looking out my apartment window last night with binoculars
DDragon: and I saw these two people dancing on the rooftop down the street.
DDragon: I could only see their silhouettes, but for some reason..
DDragon: it made me think about how much interest I'm paying on my loans.
Daeken: ...
Daeken: do less drugs.
DDragon: I would.
DDragon: but then I looked out the other window and saw these dancing cowboys
DDragon: and that made me think of how I could save money on my drugs...
DDragon: up to 40%, it seems.

Duly Noted

kitsunewarlock: deathnote tcg
DDragon: *writes his opponents name on a card*
DDragon: I win
kitsunewarlock: XD

El Neo

DDragon: I just watched El Matrix on Telemundo
DDragon: "Yo soy el Juan."
Spaz_Nuts: lol

Stiff. Drink.

DDragon: I can't keep this inside any longer.
DDragon: I have a confession to make :(
DDragon: about a decade ago, right about the time it came out on the market, I took a phone survey about my email habits. I distinctly remember saying, "Well, I just wish someone would tell me all the places I could find Viagra online."
DDragon: I guess it just kinda snowballed from there. I'm so sorry.
Mottebayo: You're a bastard, so it's YOUR fault. >:(
Summercat: Don't come to the next PS party.
Summercat: I will eat your liver.
DDragon: I'll bring the chianti

Elemental case

DDragon: you know.. I've met a few noble gasses. They weren't all that nice.
DDragon: Argon in particular was a douche
DDragon: krypton was so conceited.. "My name was featured in a comic book!"
tcoyote: Well, yeah, but they're not as volatile as the alkalies.
tcoyote: One little drink and they get violent
DDragon: helium was fun to be around.
DDragon: but he talked all high pitched, made him hard to understand.
DDragon: Neon was really bright.
DDragon: but then radon showed up and we had to get the hell out of there.
tcoyote: Just hang around carbon. He gets along with anybody
DDragon: I don't like blacks.

Unbearable

RedneckCoyote: BIG BEAR LAKE, Calif. - A grizzly bear that appeared in a recent Will Ferrell movie killed a 39-year-old trainer with a bite to his neck Tuesday and had to be subdued with pepper spray.
DDragon: of course the bear's going to get away with murder because he's a movie star.